And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
