the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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