My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
