The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
