hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
organizing the empties. That sober.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
