I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
