RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
