Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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