So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
