I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
