apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
