Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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