nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
