if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
