no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dicks are not precious.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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