We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
