her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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