U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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