do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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