addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
