saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
