end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
