its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize