so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
