he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize