No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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