So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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