no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
