So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
