Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
