I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
