Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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