Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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