Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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