so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
