Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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