im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
