Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
