who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
