You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
