I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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