I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
