Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize