We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
