If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
