New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
