Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she woke up with a sticky ear
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
