if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
operation have a gay friend backfired
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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