I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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