I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
