Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
