I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
