the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
