he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
