You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
