But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
