I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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