Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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