Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
