wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
