Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
