Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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