I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
