Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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