Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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