hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
