my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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