because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
